The Reduction of Being: relating to others as objects

Martin Buber described the mindset required to relate to other beings as objects as the I-It way of relating.  When we relate to other beings as things instead of beings then we view them as objects of utility; assessing their usefulness to us in meeting our needs, rather than honouring them as fellow beings in…

Reactive Abuse: kicking the dog

“For the devil has no power . . . except in the dark.” ― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones Beyond the Stereotype We’re accustomed to thinking of abuse as something that we can see with our eyes and show to other people.  The abuser raises a fist, can be heard through a wall, leaves a…

Destructive Envy and the Hungry Family

envy a feeling of discontent or covetousness of another’s advantages, possessions, or attainments; desire for something possessed by another: I envy her talent for decorating. Not to be confused with: jealousy – jealous resentment against a person enjoying success or advantage; anger or fear of losing something or someone to a rival http://www.thefreedictionary.com Far from…

Mindset: Entitlement, Empowerment and Cooperation

Three discreet, contrasting mindsets evident within psychotherapy and society are entitlement, empowerment and cooperation.  Taking a compassionate, non-judgmental approach, it is worth clarifying each of these mindsets and their implicit values and their relevance to psychotherapy work in the interests of helping patients appreciate and enhance their contribution to the therapeutic relationship with the overall…

Narcissistic Abuse Part 1: heart of darkness

This post is not intended as a guide for diagnosing or labelling individuals, but instead highlights the detrimental effects narcissistic individuals (including sociopathic, psychopathic and other exploitative personalities) can have upon us.  Being able to recognise some of these effects can help us protect ourselves and seek effective help in recovering from the toxic relationships…